I am at my office desk working on January issue. Its a cold cold day and feels colder than Darjeeling today. The wide windows and a wide open door is bringing the chilly breeze inside. The office is pretty empty and I also have a new book lying on my desk by Khushwant Singh. I read a few pages and realized the feelings I feel lately are also because I feel too much.
e-mails, phone calls, meetings, projects, submission, dead-line, articles.. whoa!! i am not living life on the edge, it feels I have given up long before it started. But I numb the feeling and I move ahead. Take a deep breath and let it all in. What I feel is not important. How i want things to turn out is still due to my lack of courage.
Jobs are supposed to feel this way, jobs are supposed to take away your energy and at the end give you a good nights sleep and rest, if you are fortunate. Oh well! There is always a silver lining. one hour to go for lunch and may be after that I might as well run. the clock seems so slow. I woke up at this time before.
One day there will come a time when I shall have surpassed this anxiety, there shall come a moment when I shall have bigger things on my mind than just sleep or coffee. A cigarette on the go is not undeniable, it might as well help me from the yawning unstoppable.
The stigmas i cannot surmount, I am a showoff, I like showing that I work, but I am on my blog and the co-workers might as well believe there’s a great writer on her cubicle, all set to publish her article.