I am stupid in my own way,
I make mistakes and regret them later.
No body tells me what to do when I am doing something,
They already see I am on to something
I have hurt people in the past,
i have been bitter with my truth.
I have looked in the mirror and have seen, I have been a fool.
When I choked on the truth, when it was too hard to breathe, there was no support left,
life was already out of my system, oxygen was taken away.
Never have I felt this way before. Never has reality struck me so bad.
I have been jealous of people moving on, I have seen no other way.
I left people walk out of my life by holding the door for them.
Half was idiocy, other half, ego.
Now there is nothing left for me to do because the worst is already done.
May be I am envious of how people can half fun,
Do those things that were once planned with me,
See them delighting when I cannot do it myself.
Those are the people who I thought would be a barrier in my life,
those are the people I thought would hold me back.
But here I am, stagnant.
With those memories and plans that went half way up to the end.
What I wanted to do still remains undone,
I wanted to run, to walk, to fall but not stop.
It is really funny, you see.
The people who I thought were a burden to the ambitions I had
Are the ones who went way ahead in life,
Started out early and now have families.
They grew out in love.
It hurts me badly to think that that could have been me.
But I know, its sheer jealousy.
They say love is to see the person you love,happy.
Yes I indeed am.
I think I feel sad for myself,
more like pity.
I also think I might lose my only chance at love,
But I do not want to pounce at it.
They say perseverance and patience is a luxury.
I feel I am the poorest one, for I ran out of wealth to afford it.
I will get over it, because we all eventually do.