Ode to Hopelessness

I feel a bit torn down right now,  a little hopeless you may say.
I am confused between why we want good things in life and if we do, then do we out of greed or is it genuine reason of humans wanting happiness and pleasure in their lives. Also, I do not know if humans are actually born to suffer and happiness is a gust of wind on a dry sunny day? But who are the ones who actually deserve that blessed wind?

I am 23, jobless, and now I have started to question if I am worthless. Sometimes I feel I need to suffer more for I know I will rise and then it will be a story to inspire somebody. I do not know if there is God despite having a stern belief that there might be. I feel that some get everything they want without knowing what they actually want. I am confused, aren’t I?

It hurts to say the truth because there is always a fear of someone judging us, someone looking at us with a certain glare in the eyes that is somewhere judging the naked soul and suddenly one is exposed.

It hurts tremendously to know and not know how to figure out the rest of the life, if there is a life. I might be too young to decide what is the best for me already but there are a certain people who are happy, I just wish I was one of them. It is as simple and naive as it sounds to say what happiness is but it sure is what the rest of the unhappy people want and I am sure there are a lot of them.

Sometimes, a prayer does not work, sometimes belief does not, not even hope. In a nutshell, nothing works, not even God.


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