Surrogate Family

I pull my hair back and tie it to a top knot, gaze at the ceiling like it just offended me and roll my eyes over to the computer screen and just then this quote comes lurking into my mind, ” Maybe, our girlfriends are our soul mates and guys are just people to have fun with” – Carrie Bradshaw (Sex and the City). It might repel a few people who are not followers of the hyped “SATC” but this quote brought me to one conclusion that I have already made in my life and that is my friends.
I feel I have already made such friends in my life who I need for my entire lifetime in the same way they need me in theirs and I do not think any other thing in this world will ever be able to suffice them or take their place. Now talking about guys, men, partners etc, I cannot say they are there for fun, typically, but for a person like me they are there but incomparable to the friends we have. In some instances, the partners might turn out to be great friends and best friends too, but soul mates, I think that goes straight to the friends. In my case I have girlfriends and guy-friends equally. They are my support system. They are family.

A little detail into their personalities, or a small introduction. I have four to five friends who know everything about me. Every little detail. May be I like being honest or transparent, it is moreover, my love for them that makes me let them know my inner side, aspect or let them see my naked soul. These people have been with me since I cannot even pin down the time frame to. I do not like being the one who is overbearing and over sharing so I keep it low and shut sometime, but they will think I am upset or sad and will not let me stay quite even a bit. I have been this quirky and you can say noisy, or ice breaker most of the time so I think that precedes my silent nature. Now skipping to my soul mates.

One friend is the forever single one, she has never been in a relationship yet gives the most sorted and thoughtful advice ever. She is a generous and loving soul. Her wisdom and simplicity have always told me that no matter how high and how far and how distant one might want to go, one can never forget one’s roots. She has always helped me stay humble and grounded. She is an aspiring teacher, I am sure she will inspire many and touch many lives of others the way she has touched mine. If silence can travel and reach the exact heart you want it to reach and hope you will be heard in the exact same way you want to be heard, not anything more and not a word less, it reaches her in my life. She understands the silence. There is no other way I could sum up this relationship.

What do I tell about the other one, she is a mixture of ambiguity and innocence, wisdom and confusion, strength and weakness, she is so me yet so different. If ever I am stuck somewhere at 4 in the morning, she will be the one I am going to call and she will answer the phone and come see me. An adventurous soul but fragile in her actions. Sometimes I wish I was as thoughtful as her because a person like her can never do anybody wrong. Just no body. She is a writer but for me she is an epitome of strength and inspiration. She is more than what words can sum up. I have seen plenty of people who turn bitter and resentful and full of scorn when life hits hard, but she has blossomed and turned empathetic, she has been loving and caring. She is this comfort one looks for in times of despair, not only because she will have the right things to lift you up but because she knows, because she has felt.

The craziest common thing between these two friends and me is that all three of us share our birthday on the same date. How common is that? This friendship of ours has always startled me because I have not seen best of friends share the same birthday.

There is just so much more about them that makes me tear up, makes me ecstatic, so many memories, thoughts, silence, and love that were shared and still is silently. All three of us are so different in nature yet similar somewhere. We do not talk everyday, but we are always connected. Its beautiful.

I have best friends who are a couple like Lily and Marshall ( I hope you got the reference). These people are so different to one another, One is an outlaw and the other is a wannabe perfectionist. I call her the wannabe because if life hadn’t taken certain tolls on her she would have been this perfectionist and chic girl who always had it her way. She is courage for me. [No, not the cowardly dog] She is currently working as a teacher and wishes to do something else in life, until she figures out what exactly is that let me talk about my go to guy, her boyfriend.
He is the man I would run to when I want to run into somebody, may be for a drink, or coffee or fun. But mainly because sometimes, his presence is all that I need. I have known him all through college and we actually met outside college when we were late for a class together. We were not supposed to attend one class but the conversation took the entire day and we bunked all the classes.

A few days later I showed him to his girlfriend, with whom I had been friends with recently, and they both jelled and started dating shortly. Years earlier, she had had a crush on him, of which he was so unaware of until I told him. I played cupid, and thankfully it worked out well. He is a singer, songwriter, a musician. He is a wonderful soul. I thought he was laid back and irresponsible but I learned that for people who do not get things the easier way, it is best to wait until things start falling into place so that one can take a stand somewhere. He brought such wisdom into me that I am sure even he does not know. He made me believe in Time, in living without ego, in smiling and laughing out loud, in living.

And I have another special one, he is really a crazy personality. He is a closet poet, a thinker and basically a very shy person who does not talk much but talks a lot with his friends, I am sure most of us have had or still have one such friend, who is also an expert in pervert jokes ans sexism. He is a good soul, just a foul mouth. NA! I’m kidding, but I could not be also. He is still pursuing his education and meanwhile he is also figuring why he is lazy and why he procrastinates and when is he going to be ready until its showtime, for his career, his life choices, his life. He is a dreamer.
He has an insight into many things that would take me ages to explain to somebody else, but he would understand it soon enough. When he is around, it is always a good time, but when I am having a bad time, with him, it is bearable enough, because he can make me smile.

I just realized this post will be so incomplete if I miss out one character who came into my life like a thunder and reflected one aspect of me that I was unknown to myself. She is a dentist by profession, also sings, composes, plays the piano and enjoys life to the fullest. I met her at the musician friend I told you above’s house. I usually missed out a lot of friendly gatherings but this one I made it to and this very evening I met her and started flirting with her, she coyly smiled and enjoyed the attention, while later had rebuked her boyfriend. Nonetheless, that did not stop me. I flirted with her shamelessly. To clear the air, I am not interested in women and neither is she. This was a one time thing. Since then we have become great pals. What all do I say about this phenomenal girl. She is a feminist, a strong headed, fierce and independent woman but vulnerable and gullible, loving and caring and above all, the one to fight with her mother and packing away her belongings in the middle of the night for me. Reasons may be left away now. But yes she is that person, who loves openly and knows no other way. She is adamant at times, and bit too dominating, but she is real deal.

A career she has yet she is looking for something else. That makes all of us seekers and believers, exactly why we are all some kind of misfits, the world does not like to know the truth about misfits, however they want them so that they can distinguish, to make a difference, to label and to ponder on what should be and what should not.

All of us haven’t had the best of things, the best of days, and the best of experiences, mostly because of choices some by somebody else, society and mindset, probably because we live in India but mainly because we were surrounded by devils that did not have horns and ghosts who did not hide behind the doors and come out after the lights were turned off, instead, they lived with us, bred on our souls and ate our thoughts. We are lucky we survived, we came out and in some ways are still coping up with the trauma but we have reconciled and understand that the bigger picture is yet for us to see and hope is alive.
I can vouch for them in the same way they can vouch for me. How lucky are those people who are born out of different families to unite through trust, love and faith? This is thicker than blood, this is what soul mate is to me and if this isn’t love then I don’t know what is.

And this is not all, I have whole lot of other friends, who love me, care for me, touch my life, my soul, have affected me and graced me with their presence. There are many instances where I will not be able to articulate how ecstatic and elevated I have been and how alive I have turned because of them. Whether hurt, pain, love, or joy they have been important in shaping me into who I am today.



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