If you ever read this…

When love was the only thing that grew,
Distance always seemed cruel.
How can you be gone,
To a world anew?

Because I went astray,
You turned unfeasible.
Those days now turned to memories,
Memories so livid.

I want you to know,
if you ever read this,
that I think about you.
More often than you care,
More often than I should haste.

There is no burial of this truth,
Menacingly,I try to tell you,
More so to destroy,
what you built, after you went away from me.

Can you hear the noise of my anklets?
Do you feel your heart skip a beat?
Do you think of the one you love the most before you go to sleep?
Have I ever kept you awake all night?

Do you hide a tear that you shed in my name?
Will you embrace me again?
It’s time to let it go…let it go… let it go along with you..
I’m tying a balloon, marking it and seeing you off,
silent prayer, a warm kiss and a gentle hug of hope and thought that if you were to come,
you will find me.. Find me again…

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These are just my thoughts, though….

Is it not strange that nowadays a selfie would reach hundreds of people and turn up with “likes” and an honest note or a plead does not work unless there is emotional manipulation or blackmail involved, fear of God generated or fear of loss instilled?
Then what is the purpose, the idea? Just getting things done through fear? Does that mean religion is used as a tool in many instances? I am not cynical. I have had assumptions about things. Every time I think of something apprehensive or debatable to me, I think of my Boss. He has given me a very good advice. He told me that there is a wall, a wall of cynicism, doubt and debate. What is needed is a hammer and a nail and a strong hammering through to the wall till it breaks open and I see, that there is a world out there that does not function in the way our perceptions, outlined with doubts do. They just function. May be on belief, faith, hope or they just do. JUST DO.

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This idea has brought my mind to such a state that I am at peace, I have my head on my shoulder and the filtering of negativity that I had already done, achieved a solid ground, assurance.

I could have never thought that what I think of, the ideas and my idiosyncrasy is not all idiotic but just roughly finished, it just needs a smooth finishing.
I have a close friend who often shuns my thoughts, calls me immature and does such tiny things that are normal to him but those which hurt or have hurt my self-esteem. Trying to redeem it has been very difficult for me to do alone.
I have met people who have gone through differences in their relationships and I have seen them from close. It is hurtful to now know how it actually made them feel, when I have to walk that mile myself.

I don’t know what hurts more. The idea of what you think you deserve or the inability to achieve what you know you rightfully deserve? Living in a limbo, inability to decide if you should stay or go, confusion between love and gratefulness. This is the dilemma of today and for most of us, everyday.

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I am also struggling with the major issue of non-vegetarianism versus vegetarianism. For me it is not just limited to food preferences. In spite of what might people might say, they might think it is natural and it is the way of life. My prime concern lies only in seeing an animal die, seeing an animal being slaughtered, seeing violence, bloodshed, disappearance of humanity.
My friends say they are not the ones doing the killing. It comes packed and all they do is prepare and eat. I do not know how to approach this thought. The first sentence itself is colored with selfishness, that it compels me to judge them out and out. I judge on the basis of their kindness, if they cannot be kind to a speechless being based on love and understanding, how can they understand what love is at all? Other, how can they even love when they cannot go beyond their taste buds to a little down below to their hearts which is just above their stomachs.
Okay, they do not kill. What does that mean? Does that mean they are okay with someone taking the responsibility of doing the murder? Or does that mean they know deep inside that it is not okay for them to kill someone but they would cook their guilt and conscience with their sauce and gravy.

Does that also imply that they don’t like violence but don’t mind if somebody did it for them so that it satisfied their appetite? Does that mean war is okay as long as they are not the ones getting killed? Does that justify war at Gaza strip, the oil crisis, ISIS? It must be okay as long as we are not the ones suffering. Do we forget, we are the we, we are the society, we are the world.

How come people don’t want to consider this at all?

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Do you have a wife, husband, son, daughter, parents, somebody you love at home?

Do you believe in God, science, energy, Universe, somebody you revere?

Do you know what love is?

If you see God and follow God’s words, if you worship somebody, I am assuming, worship is the highest form of respect because you marvel at God’s generosity, beauty, dichotomy, security etc. I am also hoping it is for gratitude than supplication. If you really worship God how come you can’t see Him/Her in everything, because Him/Her is the source, isn’t it?

But these are just my thoughts.

Good night. Don’t forget to let me know about how you feel.xx

Yet..

“All you need is love.
Why don’t you learn human language?”, I said.

“You understand my need, why can’t there be people who understand more like you?”, said the dog.

“I wish I could do more for you.”

“You have  loved me. That is enough.”

“But there are so many out there. I want to reach out.”

“You alone cannot be enough but there are many like you who love and understand, who feel and who believe. Most of my friends are savored as dishes, they are enjoyed and humans cannot feel the pain they feel. It is sad I too am made to perform on them but I am not a human. Humans have a choice.”

“Humans sure do, but they say they cannot be healthy without meat.”

“Do you eat meat?”

“No.”

“How come you are alive still?”

“Hmmm..I get your point.”

“If I live on grass, which I cannot, I will die. There is no life like that for me. I understand the differences, I know what is meant to be and what is not. I do not hurt someone who loves me and still they call me the animal.”

“What do you suggest?”

“I do not have suggestions. This world is huge, most of my peers are mistreated, they are made to fight for money, they are taught and trained, they are used by the military and put to sleep after service, they are beaten on the streets, played around with, messed with to show their strength, and still they call me the animal. When the world loses a dog, it shows their is a heaven above. When a dog is killed, it shows there is a hell down below. It is not for one human or a group of humans to bring a change. If you feel the way you do for me then keep me till I am old, stay with me in my troubles, pamper me and spoil me, let me lick you on your face because I love you, don’t lock me in a room when you get visitors, don’t throw food at me, don’t curse me, tell someone not to curse me, share pictures of me, love me. It will work, one step at a time.”

“I am here.”

“You have always been. I will say to you dear friend, you humans are twisted. You think you know, but you don’t. You cannot barely love your fellow humans even when you speak the same language or stay in the same house. I have loved despite being mistreated, I have come despite being kicked, I have honored, despite being humiliated, I have been loyal despite being forgotten. Yet they call me the dog, a curse word.”

Far from being so close to you!

If I keep you on the edge of my heart, 
You may fall.
If I keep you in the centre,
You may sink.

Where do I keep you?
Do you want to be here just here at all, within?

But I choose now, I choose to keep you in memories.
Not a day goes by without me turning those pages,
Covered in laces and tear stained pillows,
In my dreams and in the pain, I hid.

A gust of wind, a certain smell,
A sudden voice, 
A chaotic calm.

It goes back to the day where fate took a turn.
The clash of rides, 
The angst and curiosity is what made me find you,
To lose you..forever..

Your memories taught me more than your presence ever could.
It have learned, 
Time, Patience, Magic, Love and Eternity.

You couldn’t have taught me this. 
You couldn’t have bore the hurt I did.
You couldn’t have withstood this feeling.

Nobody warned me,
It is a shame.
Nobody said.
It is sad.

You are far, far away from how near I am to you.
So this is a goodbye.
I bid my adieu.

We Bid Our Farewells Already

A stranger on the phone asking me baby how are you?
I am stunned, there is no reply to my fume…
denial and abrasion of the truth,
lacerations in the heart, and deep gnashes to the wound…
explicit memories like thundering skies,
a million jolted thoughts with a loss of precision, mostly of time.
sometimes a kindred, sometimes a savior, sometimes, a shadow,
Persistent in chaos.

Those are the damages done by a dead man.
A breathing, talking, dead man,
Shallow and narcissistic that narcissism was put to shame.

If there were hugs to share, there would be none.
There is no emotion for the vile already done.
To the darkness already spread, one white spot is trying to dispel.
This soul longed for love. It turned vulnerable to know, to ask , to ponder,
What it feels to have an old man at home,
But to my awe,
There was psychopath lurking in the mind of a despondent. 

The pillows know more secrets than a shrink
They know more stories than a storyteller could ever tell.
Hapless mind is a creation of a boorish life,
No, there is no marvel that the devils exist in disguise.

I saw that when hope died, there is a death inside,
Deep inside, may be it was a fracture, or maybe it was a heartbreak.
A lifeless life.
How pathetic it is now to state,
A life giver was the cruelest form of creation, an example.
It seems useless, the tears shed,
the deaths died and one day a sudden emancipation liberates.

Yes it liberates.

madonna